Subject: Get ready to laugh people. The guy who does these is my hero.
Jeff K
Posting Machine
Posts: 823
Registered: 2003-5-9 Member is offline
Currently listening to: Head Automatica
posted on 2003-5-19 at 04:04
Get ready to laugh people. The guy who does these is my hero.
I love these AIM convos, they make me laugh out loud so hard. Check it out.
I.F.: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
jap_gurli: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
I.F.: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
jap_gurli: haha, ok lets go.
jap_gurli: : i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
I.F.: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
jap_gurli: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
jap_gurli: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
I.F.: : Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
jap_gurli: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
I.F.: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
jap_gurli: stop, cmon be serious.
I.F.: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
I.F.: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
jap_gurli: thats it.
I.F.: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine
remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
I.F.: Goddam am I hard now.
-she signed off...-
I.F.: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.
Jenny20fny: mmmm, okay.
I.F.: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.
Jenny20fny: Yeah I like it rough.
I.F.: I smack you thick booty.
Jenny20fny: Oh yeah, that feels good.
I.F.: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.
I.F.: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.
Jenny20fny: you like that?
I.F.: I peel some bananas.
Jenny20fny: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?
I.F.: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.
Jenny20fny: Peanuts?
I.F.: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.
Jenny20fny: What are you talking about?
I.F.: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I throw rocks at the cats.
Jenny20fny: This is stupid.
I.F.: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.
I.F.: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?
I.F.: Yeeaahhhh.
Jenny20fny: /ignore
I.F.: Its cool stone cold she was a bitch anyway.
I.F.: We get on tricycles and ride into the sunset
I.F.: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears17: Aight.
I.F.: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears17: I slip out of my pants, just for you, I.F.
I.F.: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my cloak and wizard hat.
BritneySpears17: Oh, I like to play dress up.
I.F.: Me too baby.
BritneySpears17: I kiss you softly on your chest.
I.F.: I cast Lvl. 4 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears17: Hey...
I.F.: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears17: Funny I still don't see it.
I.F.: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Abyss.
BritneySpears17: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
I.F.: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
I.F.: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 10,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears17: Don't ever message me again you piece of shit.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts a counter attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
I.F.: King Arthur and the knights of the round table congratulate me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The
cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
I.F.: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
I.F.: Baby?
I.F.: Wanna cyber?
SexyRachel: OK, but don't tell anybody ;-)
SexyRachel: Who are you?
I.F.: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
I.F.: And I have a part time job delivering for Papa Murphy's in my Geo Storm.
SexyRachel: You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
I.F.: Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa Murphy's and make an order
SexyRachel: Haha! OK
SexyRachel: Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
I.F.: Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa Murphy's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you
would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
SexyRachel: I want everything, baby!
I.F.: Is this a delivery?
SexyRachel: Umm...Yes
SexyRachel: So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
I.F.: Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.....
SexyRachel: I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
I.F.: You can't hurry good pizza.
I.F.: I'm on my way now though......
SexyRachel: So you're at my front door now.
I.F.: How did you know?
I.F.: I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee
table.
I.F.: Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
SexyRachel: Oooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
I.F.: So you're still in the bathroom?
SexyRachel: Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
I.F.: I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The
mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through
the front door....
SexyRachel: What the fuckk?
SexyRachel: You perverted piece of shitt
SexyRachel: Fuck you!
Posts: 39
Registered: 2003-6-4 Location: Toronto Member is offline
Currently listening to: THE LIVID
posted on 2003-8-27 at 00:48
what happened to the pirate one?!?! that one was so funny. was it too dirty for this site? come on.... bring it back!!
Greg
Member
Posts: 99
Registered: 2003-5-5 Location: Truro Nova Scotia Member is offline
Currently listening to: White Elephant, The Livid, Aphasia
posted on 2003-8-27 at 11:57
more...
can't find the pirate one but these are hilarious too ...
Bloodninja: You there baby??
suzie: Yeah I'm here.
Bloodninja: You ready?
suzie: Okay.
Bloodninja: I take off my trenchcoat I'm nekked beneath, with pistols on my belt.
suzie: Cowboy boots?
Bloodninja: WWI era trench issue boots.
suzie: okay...
Bloodninja: Help me pull my boots off baby.
suzie: Whats that smell?
Bloodninja: Rotting toes.
suzie: Ummm...
Bloodninja: My boots pop off. My feet are black. The toes crumble off with the slightest touch. The dead black tissue that was once my skin chips off
in large crispy flakes. A smell of death pervades the room. Gangrenous pus drips from the ends of the stumps where my toes were. I look deep in your
eyes, and shove my tongue down your throat.
suzie: ...
Bloodninja: You carress my ass, and trim my pubes...
***************************
Sarah: You ready for some lovin'?
Jay_Z: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
Sarah: I like your music Jay... Tee hee.
Jay_Z: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
Sarah: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
Sarah: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
Jay_Z: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
Sarah: What the fuck, I told you not to message me again.
Jay_Z: Oh shit
Sarah: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me fucking kiddie porn you fuck up.
Jay_Z: Oh shit
Jay_Z: damn I gotta write down their names or something...
********************
Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
Jessica: Sure, you into vegetables?
Bloodninja: What like gardening an shit?
Jessica: Yeah, something like that.
Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)
Jessica: is that it?
Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
Jessica: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
(pause)
Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.
Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
Jessica: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this shit is HOT.
Jessica: ...
Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
Jessica: What the fuck is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.
Jessica: whatever.
*********************
Bloodninja: I see you in line at the supermarket. Our eyes meet.
QTpie4u: Who the fuck are you?
Bloodninja: I mouth the words to you, as if in slow motion:
Bloodninja: Fuck me, Fuck me.
Bloodninja: My wishes are like poetry in your eyes. We want this moment to last forever.
QTpie4u: OMFG are you trying to cyber me?
Bloodninja: We are like two dancers, for whom the music never stops. I Kiss the top of your hand. You are taken aback by the bulge that forms in your
thigh.
QTpie4u: Is that like cancer?
Bloodninja: If cancer is our love, then I hope you don't have the technology of chemotherapy.
QTpie4u: Good one romeo.
Bloodninja: You grab the bulge that you feel. you tihink it must be taking over your mind, theres nothing else you can think of. My tubesteak to you
is like a beautiful japanese haiku.
The salmon swim at night.
Towards your room.
The snow and the moon.
QTpie4u: that was never a haiku.
Bloodninja: To your light bulb I am the Thomas Edison of your sex. Withought my light you would be lost in a sea of darkness.
QTpie4u: That made even less sense than your "haiku"
Bloodninja: So you ready to fuck then?
QTpie4u: You unbutton my pants, spew your load at the sight of my underwear, and your spent.
Bloodninja: ...
QTpie4u: ?
Bloodninja: I'm spent.
*************
Bloodninja:Hey
QT-Pie:Hey
Bloodninja:whats goin on
QT-Pie:Nothing. Who are you?
Bloodninja:Bloodninja. Wanna cyber?
QT-Pie:what does that mean?
Bloodninja:what are you wearing?
QT-Pie:T-shirt. Jeans.
Bloodninja:Garter belt?
QT-Pie:Ummm...no.
Bloodninja:Are we gonna cyber or not?
QT-Pie: uh, okay.
Bloodninja:Sweet, I start by rubbing your ass all around. You love this.
Bloodninja: You're wet already. I can smell your pussy stink from here.
QT-Pie: WHAT?!
Bloodninja: I execute standing position 12 from the Kama Sutra. Passion fills the room. Your head is close to the ceiling fan.
Bloodninja:You leave everything to Bloodninja.
Bloodninja:I am completely inside of you. You are my dick puppet. I put on a little play.
QT-Pie:This is weird. I should go.
Bloodninja: I drop you on the ground, and lay a stripe down your back.
QT-Pie: A stripe?
Bloodninja: I need a sandwich.
QT-Pie: You're a freak.
Bloodninja: I was great. You loved it.
Thats about all the other ones i could find... these are sooo funny
www.purevolume.com/edgewise
little_lady
Not quite as sad as the post count would suggest
Posts: 5004
Registered: 2003-5-13 Location: 'Sauga Member is offline
Currently listening to: circuit!
posted on 2003-8-27 at 12:22
That last one is great...thanks a bunch for sharing!
